Mud on My Eyes: The Healing Journey

Mud on My Eyes: When Healing Is a Journey, Not a Moment

5 min read

When I first read the story of the man born blind in John 9, I was sitting with Aundi Kolber’s bookTry Softer open in my lap, a book I cannot recommend highly enough. Truly, a must-read. And something in that passage stopped me cold, and it has stayed with me ever since.

A man who had been blind since birth comes to Jesus. There is no question that Jesus has the power to heal him. We have watched Him speak to storms and seen them obey. We have heard Him say a single word and watched a body be made whole. So you would expect Him to simply speak,  to heal the man right where he stands.

But that is not what He does.

Instead, Jesus spits on the ground, makes mud with the dust, and spreads it across the man’s eyes. Then He says, “Go, wash in the Pool of Siloam.” The man, still blind, mud drying on his face, has to get up and walk. He has to make the journey. Only after he goes, and washes, and comes back does he finally see (John 9:1–7). John even pauses to tell us that Siloam means “Sent.”

Sit with that for a moment. Jesus could have healed him in an instant. Instead, He gave him a journey.

We Know Jesus Can Heal With a Word

Let me be clear, because this matters: Jesus can absolutely heal in an instant. He has, He does, and He still can. If you have been praying for the single word that makes it all stop, you are not praying wrong.

But sometimes, for the sake of His will and our holiness, He does not hand us the instant. Sometimes He hands us the mud and the long walk to the pool.

And friend, I want to gently name something, because I know how heavy this can sit: a longer healing is not evidence of a smaller faith. If your journey is taking more time than you expected, it may not be because you didn’t believe enough. It may be that Jesus is walking you into holiness, not just healing, that He is doing something in the walk that He could not do in a single word.

Sometimes the Pool of Siloam looks like therapy. Sometimes it looks like the local church, a small group, or a community that finally shows up for you. Sometimes it looks like daily time in the Word. Sometimes it looks like medication, or a psychiatrist who actually listens.

None of that is a failure of faith. It can be the very path He has sent you down.

The Only Instant Healing We Are Promised

Here is the truth I keep coming back to: the only healing we are promised to be immediate is the one waiting for us at the gates of heaven. The day every tear is wiped away and pain is no more (Revelation 21:4). The day the waiting finally meets the promise.

Oh, what a glorious day that will be.

But until then? Until then He walks with us, mud on our eyes, still unable to see the whole road, toward the pool. And we listen for the promptings of the Holy Spirit to be our light, one step at a time.

I love that the psalmist says God’s word is “a lamp to my feet” (Psalm 119:105). Not a stadium spotlight that floods the entire path so I can see every turn between here and the end. A lamp. The kind of light that shows you the next step. And then the next one. And then the one after that.

I Am Still on the Walk

I am not writing to you from the far side of this. I am writing to you from inside it. I am still on my own mental health and spirtual journey.

I have had dark days, days when I genuinely felt blind to the future, as though the path ahead had gone black and I could not find it. And on those days, it was Jesus who sustained me. Because He carried me through the dark, I have lived to see bright and glorious days in the land of the living (Psalm 27:13).

I do not boast in myself for surviving the darkness. I praise Jesus. I praise Him for leading me to a skilled, experienced EMDR therapist who was willing to walk with me back through the past. I praise Him for leading me to a psychiatrist who listens and genuinely cares, who doesn’t just hand me the most common pill in the ten-minute block insurance allows.

And all of it took time. None of it was instant.

So Keep Walking

So, reader, if you feel blinded right now, if you feel lost, I want to encourage you with everything in me: keep walking. Reach out for the hand of the Father and let Him lead you to your Pool of Siloam, whatever that looks like for you. The mud is not punishment. The walk is not proof that you failed. It may be the most holy thing happening in your life right now.

He is not going to leave you on the road. He walks it with you.

If You Need Someone to Walk With You

If you, or woman you love, are walking blind right now and would like an educated, trauma-trained sister in Christ to walk alongside you, I would be honored to talk.

I work with teen girls and women any where in the state of Texas, with a focus on childhood trauma, attachment trauma, life transitions, and that stuck, dysregulated feeling you can’t seem to climb out of. I am currently accepting new clients. 

Click the button below to schedule your free 15-minute consultation and let’s see if we’re a good fit. You don’t have to make the walk alone.